4 a.m. Tim and Michelle, a hip and sexy Brooklyn couple, lie in bed. Michelle has earplugs in. Out of the predawn serenity, Tim farts.
TIM: Excuse me.
MICHELLE: (Taking out one earplug.) What?
TIM: (To audience.) I wasn’t sure what to say. I’d already said “excuse me.” Why make two announcements?
MICHELLE: Did you say something?
TIM: No.
MICHELLE: (Pause.) Did you fart?
TIM: (Trying to think of a witty response but giving up.) Yes. (Tim farts.)
MICHELLE: Your ass needs to let me sleep. (Puts earplug back in.)
TIM: My ass does what it wants. It answers to no one.
MICHELLE: (Taking out earplug.) What?
TIM: (Louder.) I said, my ass answers to no one.
MICHELLE: It’s gonna answer to me if it doesn’t be quiet. (Pause.) Maybe this plug should go somewhere else. (Puts earplug in her ear.)
TIM: (To audience.) Someone please give us a sitcom, ‘cause we’re killing it here.
MICHELLE: (Taking out earplug.) What did you say?
TIM: Nothing
Pause. Tim farts. No one speaks. Silence engulfs the cosmos.
END