In 2015, I released an album of funny songs, bowled a perfect game, posed for a swimsuit calendar, mapped the human genome, got knighted, got coffee in car with Seinfeld, got schlonged by Trump, swam the Amazon, ordered from amazon, purchased Even More Legroom™, adopted a highway, sold my eggs, won a Nobel, defeated Rhonda Rousey (at chess), went public, went rogue, went to a region where certain fungal infections are common, found nirvana, toured with Nirvana, painted a Picasso, was named new Lord of the Dance, got saved, got same-sex married in 50 states, proved string theory, found the G-spot, became an Eagle Scout, looked at the man in the mirror, thought outside the bun, beat my family at Uno, and sired a colony of clones in a distant galaxy. I hope 2016 is a little more chill.