1. You know, I think Donald Trump took “Where’s the beef?” a little too literally.
2. Trump said: I’m a good Christian. I loved it when Jesus did the thing with the water and the wine…and the steaks.
3. I don’t know if America will buy Trump Steaks, but they sure are buying Trump Bologna! (Old men out there, feel free to use that one.)
4. I can’t decide between the Clinton Special-Interest-Fed Filet Mignon and the Sanders Socialist Sirloin Tips (Vegan).
5. Waiter: May I interest you in the Jeb Bush Prime Rib? Customer: How is that prepared? Waiter: OK, we take the most expensive steak on the menu and throw it in the garbage for you. (Pause.) Please laugh.
6. I just found these Kasich Steak-umms in the freezer – think they’re still good?
7. Try the McRubio Steak Sandwich – only for a limited time.
8. Cruz Steaks are people!!!!!!!!!!
9. Do you guys like impressions? “First prize is the Republican nomination. 2nd prize is a set of Trump Steaks knives. 3rd prize is…‘you’re fired!’” – that was Arnold Schwarzenegger from Trumpgarry Trump Ross.
10. I’m assuming Trump Steaks are not halal, right?
OK, that’s my time…you guys have been great…please hire me to write for TV!