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See Tim perform stand-up! WATCH ON YOUTUBE

Get Tim's album on iTunes! 


New Project: Updating Classic Song Lyrics

The problem with classic rock is all the outdated tech references to things like records, jukeboxes, phones that people actually answer, etc. I’ve embarked on a project to change that. For instance, this makes much more sense to a modern audience…

♫ "I love rock 'n' roll! Put a Pandora station on the wi-fi, baby!" ♫ 

And here’s one by Bob Seger...

♫ "Just download some old mp3s
iTunes or amazon, don’t matter to me
You can even do it illegally
I like those old time mp3s

Don’t try to get me on Spotify
I wouldn’t even give it a free try
I want my music stored locally
Still like those old time mp3s" ♫

You're welcome. So many more songs to go...


My Cat Gets Up Early

The cat sleeps with us. It’s very cozy, very intimate. But he likes to get up at 4 or 5 in the morning, and he wants us up too. He’ll poke me with his paws and climb the walls to knock the picture frames around. So we put him out of the bedroom. We make him wait until 7, but he scratches at the door. He wants us up! Why? To eat and play. He doesn’t have a big agenda, when you think about it, but he’s insistent. He already has dry food in his bowl, but he wants his wet food. He wants the grilled-salmon Fancy Feast, not the chicken Iams Proactive Health (I guess I would too). He’s scratching at the door like it’s an emergency, like a child is trapped in a well, but all he really wants is slightly better-tasting food, and for me to dangle a piece of twine for him. Like if I pounded on my neighbors’ door, yelling, “Let me in! Let me in!!!” They open the door, and I say, “You got any chips? Any cold cuts? All I have is toast and peanut butter, and I’m tired of it. Oh, and do you mind if I play a few games on your Xbox?”


Supertramp's Keyboard


I'm Cool, I'm in a Band!

Check out the NEW WEBSITE of our band, Modern Beast! It features six hot tracks, two of which I wrote & sang lead on. Played rhythm guitar & sang back-up on the rest. The point is, I'm cool...I'm in a band!


Happy Birthday, Mr. President

Lincoln's Birthday in NYC, 2015


Record-Breaking Rain in NYC - We Did It!

Just want to congratulate everyone for the record rainfall in New York City yesterday. Awesome job letting the rain fall on us, guys! Sure, we complained, but did anyone try to stop the rain? No! That's what makes this city so great - we know how to receive historic precipitation and go about our lives as New Yorkers. Special shout-out to the folks selling cheap umbrellas on the street. Sure, they are worthless pieces of crap. But you guys inspired us all to accumulate more water from the sky on a particular date, which we can all be proud of. Over 2" on 1/18/15. In New York City, baby!

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