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CASUAL PIMPIN': TWELVE TIGHT TUNES

Wednesday
Jul122017

SHOWS THIS WEEK (July 12 & 15)!

 

I haven't performed musically in a while (been doing more stand-up), but this week, I have the chance to "whip out" my comedy songs at 2 shows:

1) Tonight (7/12) at Sketch Block - July, 9pm at UNDER St. Mark's Theatre - produced by Paul Valenti.

2) Sat (7/15) at Don't Feed The Musicians, 7:30pm at QED: A Place to Show & Tell - produced/hosted by Rob Paravonian.

These are cool shows & people I always enjoy doing & seeing...that didn't sound good, but you know what I mean. Come on down!

Saturday
Jun102017

Strains of GOP Logic from #ComeyDay

Trump didn't obstruct justice & Comey should've stopped him. Trump didn't order Comey to do anything, he was just sharing his hopes & dreams with Comey, like Dorothy singing about the rainbow. Trump didn't follow protocols because he's just too dumb (the Ryan defense). It's offensive to say the president is a liar - we all know that, so why bring it up? Comey's statements prove the president did no wrong & Comey's statements are all lies. And whatever John McCain was saying.

Thursday
May252017

Please listen carefully...

Please listen carefully to the following options, as our menu has recently changed. For billing inquiries, press 1. To schedule an appointment, press 2. For phone sex services, press 3. To hear the soothing sounds of the humpback whale, press 4. To order refills for your Pez dispenser, press 5. To have your landlord kidnapped, press 6. To listen to The Scarlet Letter in its entirety, read by Rosanne Barr, press 7. To order a medium two-topping pizza with crazy dipping bread and hot wings, press 8. For enlightenment, press 9. To replay these options, press 10. To hang up, just hang up. Put down the phone. Or you can just listen to the sound of nothing – that is technically an option. Goodbye. Oh, and we love you. Om.

Saturday
May202017

VIDEO: On Dating & Seduction

Erotic tales from a recent show...

 

WATCH ON YOUTUBE

Wednesday
Apr192017

Don't Miss NO WALLS PARTY @ littlefield!

Friday
Mar242017

MEALS ON WHEELS UNDER TRUMP

Even if Meals on Wheels isn’t eliminated under Trump’s budget, it is likely to be revamped. Here are the administration’s 10 best proposals for what the program will become:

1) MEALS ON WHEELS 2.0: Dessert carts at Mar-a-Lago. 

2) MEALS OR WHEELS: The homebound will have the choice of a meal or a delivery—not both. (No one will be allowed to pick up the meal for them, in case you thought of that.)

3) MEALS OF WHEELS: Seniors will be given old tires to eat. (Recycling!) 

4) WHEELS ON MEALS: A new agency that takes food away from the elderly and runs over it repeatedly with a van. 

5) WHEELS OF MEALS: Food will be pressed into a wheel shape and rolled down a mountain. If people can catch it, they can eat it.

6) MEALS OF FORTUNE: A game show in which contestants “compete to eat” (hosted by Chuck Woolery).

7) MEALS ON WHALES: Free dinners will be served on the backs of orcas, 10 miles out to sea.

8) MEALS OF EELS: All you can eat, as long as it's eels. (The eel lobby is clearly behind this one.) 

9) MEALS OF FEELS: You eat your feelings. (Literally.) 

10) DOMINO’S.