The Five Stages of Twinkie Grief

As you may have heard, Hostess, the maker of Twinkies (as well as Ding Dongs, Ho Hos, Snowballs, and Wonder Bread) has announced that it will liquidate. Yes, the Twinkie is on its deathbed. In order to prepare ourselves (psychologically, spiritually, gastronomically) for the post-Twinkie epoch, let us look at the five stages of grief that we’ll all (sooner or later, but inevitably) go through:

1) Denial. This is the stage that pretty much everyone is in right now. People will tell themselves, “Twinkies aren’t going anywhere”…“They last forever”…“Matter can neither be created nor destroyed," and other happy horseshit. At this stage, people might indulge more than usual, hoarding or binging on Twinkies before they are gone. People will realize how much they love Twinkies. They may begin incorporating them more into recipes, and many will gain weight as psychological “padding” between themselves and the non-Twinkie world.

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