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Entries in holidays (22)


Loving Myself

It's been said that the greatest love of all is learning to love yourself.* That’s easy for me, because I’m really attracted to myself. Sometimes when I’m walking down the street, I’ll see my reflection in a mirror or shop window and think, “What a cool guy!” I have a lot of great qualities, if you ask me: my mind, my sense of humor (of course), nice legs. I make the best home fries, and I pretty much agree with my taste in music, across the board. Lately I’ve been spending quite a bit of time with myself, and its really rewarding. Sometimes it's hard to leave the house.

I worry that this relationship with myself is getting a little too claustrophobic, so I’ve decided to see other people. But that just makes me jealous. So I come home and bring myself cards and gifts and say things like, “I’m sorry…I’m really drawn to you, and I think I love you, but I just feel there’s more to life that I haven’t experienced besides…myself.” Then I’ll say, “How do you think that makes me feel? If you really loved me, you’d want to be with me and me alone.” I won’t know how to respond, so I’ll just say, “It’s not you…it’s me.” It’s a painful scene, but no-one said love was easy.

I’m considering marrying myself. It isn’t legal, not yet, but it should be. I’d like to buy myself a little place outside the city and settle down. I’d bring home the bacon, and when I got home, I’d do all the cooking and cleaning, and keep myself satisfied. On weekends, I could be handy around the house. Maybe I’d put up a little knick-knack shelf, and on it, I’d put a picture of -- who else? -- me. I’d be so happy.


FICTION: The Lone Turkey

For the holiday, I thought I would post some of my early work. I’m still proud of this story, which includes action, suspense, irony, pathos, and a powerful message of animal liberation. (I also notice that my prose style hasn't changed much since it was written.) Below is an original manuscript page, along with the complete, newly annotated, text:

Click to read more ...


MUSIC VIDEO: Werewolves of Brooklyn


  Werewolves of Brooklyn by timelliscomedy

Song parody and video by Tim Ellis, featuring "Wolfman" Phil on guitar. Shot by Meeshmonster.


VIDEO: What Are You Doing on the 4th?

The Human Comedy of Tim Ellis will be on vacation for a week, but I'll see you at the picnic! Have a great 4th, Tim

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