Advice to a Change Machine

Oh, change machine at the laundromat – you rejected 7 out of 8 dollar bills in my wallet. Could it be that your standards are a little too high? It’s like you don’t really want to give out change. Are you afraid to give? Afraid of change? It’s time to step up and “be the change machine you want to see in the world.” Or else focus on what you really like to do – inspecting and rejecting currency – but no one wants a machine to do that. If you wanna stay up there on the wall, you better “take a look at yourself and make that change!” I’m glad we had this talk, change machine. I believe you can be an agent of change! As the song says, “Turn and face the strange…”

From "Glengarry Cat Ross"

Here's a monologue from my new play, Glengarry Cat Ross:

BUSTER:
A-B-S. A-Always, B-Be, S-Scratching. Always be scratching. ALWAYS BE SCRATCHING. A-I-M-A. Attention, Irritation, Master, Asshole. Attention - do you have their attention? Irritation – are they irritated? They better be, you pussies. It’s scratch or starve. Master – are you the master or the servant? And Asshole. Put your asshole in their faces, or you’re the asshole, asshole. A-I-M-A. Quit napping - you got good furniture from West Elm. You think it’s gonna scratch itself? A person don’t put a cat on a couch lest he wants it shredded. They're sitting there ready to serve you. Are you gonna let them? Are you cat enough? You see this collar? You see this collar? This collar cost more than your litter box. What do you got? A rabies vaccination tag? You see, Fluffy, I eat Fancy Feast any time I want. I get the organic leaf and flower catnip – potent shit. That’s who I am, and you’re just a furball eating Meow Mix. Cute kitty? Fuck you! Go play with a ball of yarn and lick your balls, if you still have them. You wanna be a cat – SCRATCH!