From “It’s Cyber Monday, Charlie Brown!”

CHARLIE BROWN: I think there must be something wrong with me, Linus. Cyber Monday is here, but I’m not excited. I don’t feel the way I’m supposed to feel. I just don’t understand Cyber Monday, I guess. I like ordering gifts online and checking amazon for the hottest deals in electronics, but I’m not fulfilled. I always end up feeling anxious. Think of all the sales I’m not taking advantage of! (Looks at his smartphone.) Like 70%-off this Swingline Optima Reduced Effort Desktop Stapler…good grief! Maybe I'm just not a good digital consumer. And I keep seeing things I want for myself, not for others. (Looks at phone again.) Like this RCA LED55C55R120Q 55-Inch 1080p 120Hz LED HDTV. Aaaarrrrgghh!!!! Doesn’t anybody know the true meaning of Cyber Monday?

LINUS VAN PELT: Charlie Brown, you’re the only person I know who can take a wonderful tradition like Cyber Monday, which benefits both the economy and the consumer, and turn it into a personal crisis.

(Both Charlie Brown and Linus stare at their phones, as jazzy piano music plays.)

It's almost Thanksgiving...

...are you ready for dinner guests?

WATCH MY VIDEO: Philip Seymour Hoffman Performs...Peppermint Patty from "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving"

The Manifesto! Manifesto

Here's a piece I wrote and read at the first Manifesto! -- a weekly stand-up show (Tuesdays, 8 pm) that I co-host at the People's Republic of Brooklyn. I post it here for anyone who missed it, and so that history will remember these words:

A new movement is sweeping Brooklyn—the movement of Comedism  (a word I just made up, out of Comedy and Communism). The time has come for an alliance of radical comedians, audience members, and a bar on Smith Street—a.k.a. the joketariate—to rise up against the bourgeoisie of the Comedy-Industrial-Complex. First, we call for the abolition the 2-Drink Minimum! Second, we must no longer be enslaved by the oppressive cover charge, a holdover from feudalism, and begin a new era of Free Comedy for the Masses! Henceforth, Comedist leaders, such as those assembled today, will speak their views and aims freely into a microphone, without fear of censure or imprisonment. Furthermore, the hegemony of the celebrity-dominant Twitterocracy will be uprooted and cast out. The name “Miley Cyrus” will never be uttered in this show! (Oh, shit, except once.) We will also throw out the wage system, since, as Marx said, wage-labor only creates “capital, i.e., that kind of property which exploits wage-labor, and which cannot increase except upon condition of begetting a new supply of wage-labor for fresh exploitation…” (What this means to the comics is…you’re getting paid in drinks.) Comrades, the joketariat must own the means of amplification—but until then, we’ll just use this mic that was already here at the bar. Comedians and audiences of Carroll Gardens, unite! Stand-up for the People!

INFO ABOUT OUR NEXT SHOW

PSH Performs...Peppermint Patty from "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving"

The great Philip Seymour Hoffman takes on one of his most challenging roles. WATCH ON YOUTUBE

PSH Performs...Sally from "The Great Pumpkin"

Here's a classic Halloween video from my friend Philip Seymour Hoffman! WATCH ON YOUTUBE

POWER OF THE BEARD (Music Video)

Crank up my new stadium rocker! Go Red Sox! Fear the Beards!

WATCH ON YOUTUBE

LISTEN ON SOUNDCLOUD

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