Adventures in Casual Dining
Thursday, September 8, 2011 at 12:31PM If you don’t know what a “casual dining” restaurant is, it’s basically the same as a fast-food restaurant, except they have table service and a full bar. To my mind (at least one part of it), that’s like a dream come true. I don’t seek them out, but I sometimes end up at these places while traveling. Like the time I ate at Chili’s two nights in a row, because it was the closest option to my upstate motel (a.k.a. “the lost weekend”).
Or another time when, for complicated reasons, my wife and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary at Ruby Tuesday's. (The reasons don’t involve me being cheap, unromantic, or disorganized, by the way.) I thoroughly enjoyed it: they have an impressive salad bar, the steak I ordered tasted good to me, and I threw back a couple of 22-oz. Sam Adams. What’s not to like? I suggested making it an annual affair. We could honor our union in a casual setting with lowbrow charm, proving that love doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant, I argued. Plus we'd get "uncompromising freshness & quality" and $2 off apps at the bar! I don’t know why she wouldn’t go for it.
Recently, I drifted into another one of these joints. I won't say which, but it rhymes with Snapplefee’s. Inside, there was a sign that said, “Welcome to Our Neighborhood.” That was nice, but when I looked around, we were in the middle of an empty strip-mall parking lot. This is a neighborhood no-one lives in, I thought. But then I remembered that we live in a post-modern world where marketing doesn’t relate to real things but to concepts that are more real to us than reality. So I felt “welcome.”
Looking at the menu, one item caught my eye: Nachos Neuvos. In Spanish, that means New Nachos. Apparently, they had invented a new kind, and the description was simply, “Nachos smothered in love.” I ordered it, partly to find out what love was. And I’ll tell you: to Snapplefee’s, love is a bright-orange “cheese" sauce with a chalky aftertaste. Love is some dried-out and barely seasoned ground beef, iceberg lettuce that is turning brown, a few chopped onions, and way too many jalapeño slices from a can. And that was all love was.
Yep, sometimes casual dining can really let you down. For instance, have you been to T.G.I. Friday’s? I find the place strange. For one thing, their name stands for Thank God It’s Friday’s. Besides making no grammatical sense, it’s a little presumptuous to put God in your brand name. Did they ask God’s permission? Because the food really sucks, and you’d think He would want to be associated with a better restaurant. Like maybe Ruby Tuesday's.
Reader Comments (4)
If you're lucky, maybe you'll end up at a Red Robin on one of your anniversaries----- they have great burgers, and an impressive assortment of neon lighting!
I think that growing up near Bar-Jo's, where their sign boasts "Electrically Cooked Food", gives you an unfair advantage in the world of culinary de-lites. I think it is called being a connasewer.
"Inside, there was a sign that said, 'Welcome to Our Neighborhood.' That was nice, but when I looked around, we were in the middle of an empty strip-mall parking lot. This is a neighborhood no-one lives in, I thought."
I laughed, and I cried! If only my cubicle was completely enclosed, I would be able to laugh even louder without disturbing everyone in the office. For now, I'll just have to laugh uncontrollably in the women's bathroom. Nachos smothered in cheesy love...no me gusta!
Joe -- Red Robin it is, maybe for a special anniversary like the 10th. Bruce -- Plus I worked at Shaner's, so you can see why I'm a food snob. Rachel -- Thanks, I thought I heard something!