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CASUAL PIMPIN': TWELVE TIGHT TUNES

Wednesday
Nov282012

To a Single, Christian Hacker

A couple months ago, my credit card got hijacked. I found out when I was checking my statement online and saw two transactions I hadn’t made. One was for Christian Mingle dot com (they “find God’s match for you”). The other was for an online florist (apparently in Canada).

I thought, "I hope they had a nice Christian date."

These were the only charges, and I eventually got the money back, but I had to cancel my card and all -- a big hassle. People said to me, “At least you got some great material!” But I tried writing jokes about it, and I couldn’t. The irony was too blatant. What was there to say, other than someone had stolen my card number and used it to join this site?

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Wednesday
Nov212012

Philip Seymour Hoffman Performs...Peppermint Patty from "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving"

Monday
Nov122012

The Five Stages of Twinkie Grief

As you may have heard, Hostess, the maker of Twinkies (as well as Ding Dongs, Ho Hos, Snowballs, and Wonder Bread) has announced that it will liquidate. Yes, the Twinkie is on its deathbed. In order to prepare ourselves (psychologically, spiritually, gastronomically) for the post-Twinkie epoch, let us look at the five stages of grief that we’ll all (sooner or later, but inevitably) go through:

1) Denial. This is the stage that pretty much everyone is in right now. People will tell themselves, “Twinkies aren’t going anywhere”…“They last forever”…“Matter can neither be created nor destroyed," and other happy horseshit. At this stage, people might indulge more than usual, hoarding or binging on Twinkies before they are gone. People will realize how much they love Twinkies. They may begin incorporating them more into recipes, and many will gain weight as psychological “padding” between themselves and the non-Twinkie world.

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Wednesday
Nov072012

THE EXISTENTIAL LENS: Clams & Bananas

Clams & Bananas, 2012.

Monday
Nov052012

Voter Suppression T-Shirts NEW!

EDITOR'S NOTE: These T-shirts did not work. Barack Obama was reelected as president on 11/6/12. TE

Want to look cool while preventing democracy and helping to elect Romney? Try one of these stylish t-shirts!

  

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Wednesday
Oct312012

Philip Seymour Hoffman Performs...Sally from "The Great Pumpkin" (VIDEO)