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CASUAL PIMPIN': TWELVE TIGHT TUNES
The nation is shocked to learn that Rep. Anthony Weiner uploaded and sent explicit photos of himself to women on Twitter. However, those in political power have always felt the need to expose their private parts to the public — and have used the latest technology and media to do so. Here are just a few examples:
James Buchanan sat for Daguerreotypes of his business in the White House. Since the process created a single image with no negative, ladies who received one felt like they were the one true love of the bachelor president.
Benjamin Franklin used his considerable skills as a printer to produce the x-rated Proud Dick’s Almanack. He would often work late, engraving his likeness onto copper plates, to produce the popular broadside.
Napoleon is said to have spent the Battle of Waterloo in his tent scrawling heroic verse about his “general” for his mistresses. (An ostrich quill was his favorite writing instrument.) Psychologists attribute this behavior to a Napoleon complex.
Catherine the Great commissioned a Rococo landscape of her "hills and dales" to be displayed in the Hermitage.
Lorenzo de’ Medici had monks copy an illustration of his “magnificence,” day in and day out, for the better part of their lives. (The original may have been by Leonardo Da Vinci, a quickie for his patron.) The monks didn’t really mind, since they were sick of copying the Bible.
Charlemagne captured his “empire” with a camera obscura. This was mainly for his own enjoyment.
In the Paleolithic era, a tribal leader was ousted for painting his “thunder spear” on a cave wall at Lascaux. Since loin-cloths were not yet in use, they knew he was exaggerating.
In the future, our leaders will surely continue to create and distribute depictions of their genitals. What forms these will take, we can only imagine. Apps to view candidates’ crotch-cams can’t be far away. Eventually, when virtual sex becomes the norm, showing off one’s junk may become unnecessary or boring to politicians, as to everyone.
…being drawn correctly. I’ve walked by this window of the store Cute Toonz (on 35th & Fifth) countless times. It’s always made me smile and think fondly of my childhood.
Until I noticed something was missing…
OK, so I fathered a love child with my maid. People make mistakes. Now, can you please respect my privacy? Of course, what I’ve done is inexcusable and reprehensible, I’ve hurt my wife and family deeply and forever, and I deserve the harshest judgment. Can we please move on? I mean, it’s not like I’m the first man of influence to sire an offspring with the help. Jefferson, anyone? And I have to say, for a love-child-fatherer, I’ve been pretty responsible about it. This kid -- I’ve never met him by the way -- already has a free scholarship to Wesleyan. He can take it or leave it, I don’t care. The little rascal can grow up to be a Nobel Prize-winner, have an indie band, open an antique shop, whatever --